What Sweet Kids And Sensible Adults Don't Know
by marinoa
Summary: Not everything is what it may seem... The same goes for what we believe is the truth about Santa Claus and his Christmas elves.


AN: Hello there! ^_^ I don't usually do these "season stories", but let this be an exception that makes the rule. You see, I simply _need_ to tell you what's _truly_ going on...

**What Sweet Kids And Sensible Adults Don't Know**

**The Truth About Santa's secret Regime**

Santa Claus does not exist – that's what any rational grown-up knows and answers when asked about. And, in a way, they are right; Santa Claus, as we know him, is not real. However, that's only half of the truth.

What only very few people know is that in reality, the old, white-bearded man we recognise the benefactor of Christmas is not the actual Santa... merely one of the real Santa's' employees. The _real_ Santa Claus' physical appearance does not resemble his public face at all – he is shortish, slim and young Finnish man with smooth chin, without so much as a single wrinkle on his face or a grey shade in his flaxen hair. His very personal name isn't Santa, either, but Tino Väinämöinen, though he's accepted the name 'Santa', for it's easier for people worldwide to remember. He is incredibly kind, and he is the one who is behind the whole Santa Claus organisation that we know and are used to.

Most people know that the traditional Santa Claus has his little helpers, the Christmas elves, who keep an eye on children and report about their behaviour to Santa. But very few people, if any, actually know that those little elves are in the same position as the fake Santa – merely to keep up the façade.

So then, you may ask, why this façade? The answer is simple, the same as with many other issues: to protect the children.

Because the real Santa's real helpers are far from quiet, amicable and efficient gnomes. The real helpers are not good examples for kids... they are far _worse_ than kids. (That's why the façade elves are needed; no child will take an arguing, foul-mouthed 'Christmas-elf' seriously, thus they won't see any need to improve their own behaviour, either.)

Yes, that's right; parents would shriek in horror if they knew what Santa's Christmas 'elves' are truly like. The real helpers are each from their own country, every one of them having their own personality and their own faults. (Their own perks, too, but for some reason, the faults are more visible.) They work in pairs in different departments... And that's what makes Tino Väinämöinen's job as Santa so challenging.

xXx

Children's letters... checked. Reports of behaviour... checked. What else was there, what else was there..? Oh, that's right, presents sorted according to children's wishes... checked.

For the time being, that was, because there were still three nights before Christmas and during them Tino would receive even more letters from children, reports of their behaviour and would have to take care of presents for everybody. Those few days before Christmas were always the busiest time in Korvatunturi, northern Finland, where Tino lived and ruled his Christmas kingdom.

At least he didn't have to take care of everything by himself, he had his helpers... Speaking of which, he probably should go and take a walk in different parts of his place to make sure everything was in order. The usual check, nothing too strict. Just to make sure his helpers were not killing each other or destroying the place.

"_Hei, tonttu-ukot hyppikää, nyt on riemun raikkahin aika. Hetken kestää elämää, ja sekin synkkää ja ikävää. Hei tonttu-ukot hyppikää..._" Tino hummed to himself as he made his way to the department where all the plastic toys were made. The responsibility of it had been given to Ivan and Alfred, a Russian and an American helper.

And apparently those two were starting up a nuclear war for all it sounded even from a distance. Sighing, Tino pushed the door to the department open.

"What's the mat-" he started but his appearance went unnoticed by the two helpers, for they were busy hurling toys at each other. Tino rubbed his temples in exasperation; if it hadn't been almost Christmas and those toys hadn't been presents for children, it would have been amusing how two strong, grown men were trying to kill one another with toys. But now, now it was merely pathetic.

"Take this you idiot, ha ha ha ha ha!" Alfred laughed manically and sent a half-made MacGyver figure flying at his workmate, who easily dodged it and went for a counter attack, which was grabbing five hula-hoops and whirling them across the room at the American. "What a poor attempt," Ivan commented the American's attack with a small, intimidating smile. "But this is for you!"

"Ha! It didn't hit you ass- Oh, shit! Now look what you did, jackass! The whole pile of ready toys fell over! "

"It's your fault, you ducked knowing perfectly well that it's either you or the toys and you chose to save yourself! What a sissy..."

Tino's eyebrow twitched at the mess the two nations had created. The right time to end it all was just about _now_.

"What's the matter here, you two?" the Finn asked, keeping his voice firm and scolding rather than starting yelling – he had noticed already long ago that his helpers were just like kids, thus firm scolding worked better on them than angry shouting, which only provoked them more. "Do explain this mess to me."

The two troublemakers whirled around to see their foreman at the door, arms crossed across his chest and unamused expression on his face.

"Err, well, umm," Alfred stuttered, taken by surprise. "He- he started it!"

"I didn't! I just said that Russia beats America in exploring cosmos!"

"Yeah, that's _exactly_ what I'm talking about! Did you hear him? He's got some nerve to insist that-"

"We sent the first man to cosmos! Of course we're superior to you!"

"We sent the first man on the _moon_, that's even more remarkable!"

"It's only a small step on the road, much greater achievement was to get out there in the first place!"

"Oh yeah? Well it was a huge step to a mankind!"

"Alfred, that was _lame_."

"_Enough_!"

Alfred and Ivan quickly shut their mouths and guiltily looked at Tino. "Do you know by which time I need those toys ready to be wrapped?" the Finn asked sweetly.

"By tomorrow evening," the two helpers said in union.

"Correct. And yet I see a mess of half-made toys thrown all around the department. How about you clean this mess, finish the toys and then make the rest of the toys that you haven't even started yet?"

Both helpers cast their eyes on the floor. "Yes, Mr. Väinämöinen," they mumbled obediently; everybody knew that despite his friendly and kind appearance, Tino wasn't the one with whom it was wise to pick fights.

"Good," the Finn said cheerily. "I count on you."

"Well, what are you standing there?" Tino hear Alfred speaking as soon as he closed the door behind himself. "Didn't you hear him – he told you to start cleaning this mess you caused!"

"No, he was certainly looking at you when he said '_you_'. Maybe you should consider new glasses if you can't see properly with those anymore."

Shaking his head and uttering a small laughter, Tino continued his round; he knew the work would be done.

Next, Tino headed for the clothing department. There shouldn't be any problems there; even though Gilbert, an over energetic Prussian was there, also Elizaveta and Natalia, a Hungarian and a Belarusian, were responsible of the department, so things wouldn't get out of hands with Gilbert. And the Finn was right; when he peeked inside, he saw Natalia holding the Prussian on the ground in a human-lock while Elizaveta was straightening her dress with firm movements and getting back to work. Tino thought it better not to interrupt the whatever situation was going on, so he left the department and moved on.

The next in turn was the department where toys and other items were constructed as handwork. There were four helpers in total in charge of it, and it was perhaps the best-working department in the whole place; Ludwig, a German, kept things well in his hands. Others – two Italian brothers, Romano and Veneziano, and a Spaniard named Antonio – followed (more or less) his lead, and even though particularly Romano tended to cause problems with his hot temper and Veneziano ruin everything with his clumsiness, neither of them did that on purpose. Besides, they had Ludwig and Antonio to help them out, and it hadn't escaped the Finn's eyes that both the Spaniard and the German had clearly picked their favourites among the Italians.

With a small smile, Tino started making his way to where all the presents were wrapped in pretty wrapping papers. That particular department was a nest of troubles in its way, for it was taken care by an Englishman and a Frenchman who were constantly at each other's throats... in one way or another. This time, too, screams and a stream of profanities were loud enough to catch the Finn's attention from a distance. He stopped at the door to have a look what was happening inside.

Apparently Francis, the Frenchman, had once again got the best idea of all times and was efficiently wrapping up – not toys, but Arthur, the poor Englishman, who had his hands tied back with red lace. Aha, that explained the yelling.

"You fucking dolt, I demand you to stop _at_ _once_ and free me! You hear me? Unwrap me _now_!"

"_Non_, patience, _mon cher_!" the Frenchman laughed in response to the Englishman's struggling and continued wrapping him in a beautiful wrapping paper. "Don't worry; I promise I'll unwrap you as soon as I'm ready... I'll unwrap you of _everything_~"

"Y-you-! Don't you _dare_!" Arthur yelled, his face as scarlet as the laces he was tied with.

Tino decided for that to be the right moment to walk in and save the poor toys from seeing something too inappropriate for the innocent. "My, my," he said cheerfully. "You've managed to get yourself quite tangled, Arthur."

"Ah, _oui_," Francis said before Arthur had the chance to open his mouth. "Arthur here is a bit clumsy from time to time. He got slightly carried away wrapping up the toys and ended up like this... Naturally I have to help him out."

Francis was a master of coming up with little harmless lies so smoothly that even Tino might have believed him, had he not known better (and he always knew better). However, sometimes it was refreshing to play along.

"Bullshit! You-" Arthur started, but Tino cut him off.

"Watch you language," he said clicking his tongue, as if sternly. "Francis is only trying to help you. Though," he added with slightly more authority in his tone, "I want to see the work done, so I hope he'll release you only from that lace for now and take care of the rest of the unwrapping in the evening _after_ the work is done."

Arthur blushed in embarrassment and said nothing, while Francis nodded with a wink. "As you say!"

After the gift-wrapping department, there was only one left that the Finn had to check, and that was where the sorting of the ready presents according to their destinations happened. Though there was hardly anything to worry about – the couple responsible of that task was very quiet and precise. Berwald and Ice, a Swede and an Icelandic, did great job sorting the presents, so that every single child and adult in whatever part of the world would receive the right presents for sure.

Tino left the department contented, pleased that despite the minimal scenes that sometimes happened, all his helpers acknowledged the importance of their work and would take care of it. Before Christmas, they would do their job in Korvatunturi, and then, after the New Year, Tino would send his helpers all around the world to their respective countries to keep an eye on the people... until the next Christmas.

Ah, Christmas... Joy and happiness would shine everywhere and just for a moment, the troubles of the world would be forgotten. Seeing that result was definitely worth anything Tino had to face to make it all possible.

Happily humming to himself, the young Santa proceeded to the stalls, where his beloved reindeer awaited their dinner.

"_Joulumaahan matkamies jo moni tietä kysyy..._"

xXx

So, dear children and adults, do not believe it when people insist you that Santa and his little elves do not exist. People who claim so know _nothing_. But we, my dear readers, you and me, _we know._ Santa Claus and his helpers _do_ exist... only not like we've been taught to believe.

X

Merry Christmas to everybody! ^_^


End file.
